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Computer Technology 101
Computer Technology 101
Categories: Business Humour Tags:
You can compete with the big boys
Robert Smith was devastated.
As the owner of a small retail business selling various groceries he had always recognised the threat posed by major supermarket chains such as Tesco, Walmart, Carrefour and the like. Now a branch of Tesco had opened next door, and business was tailing off.
He told all his friends how worried he was – and that things couldn’t possibly be worse. And then a branch of Walmart opened on the other side. Robert now told friends that he expected to be out of business within the year.
His friends were really surprised when they met him a few months later – getting out of a top-range Mercedes wearing an expensive suit and with a big smile on his face.
We thought business was so bad that you were about to go bankrupt. What happened?
Robert replied: Well that is what I thought. And then I remembered that one secret to effective marketing is to make sure that your potential customers know where to find you. So I changed the name of my company. Come and look!”
Robert’s friends followed him to his shop, sandwiched between Tesco and Walmart. Over the front, the new name was posted in big neon letters ENTRANCE
How do you promote your business? Can potential customers find you? Do your marketing promotions send people away, or invite them to come and buy. You need to ensure that all your marketing promotions allow customers to enter.
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You know you’ve joined the wrong MLM when
You know you’ve joined the wrong MLM when….
- the home office has parking spaces labelled “FTC, Attorney General or FDA reserved parking”
- your starter kit comes with an order of fries, a Coke and a small plastic toy.
- you’re listening to the CEO talking, in moderated mode, on the nightly conference call and clearly hear a voice say, “Please insert
another $.25 for four more minutes….”
- The starter kit comes with a credit-repair kit and a do-it-yourself divorce manual
- you visit the Goodwill store and see an entire section devoted to your company’s products
- the top rank in your company is “Cubic Zirconium Naive Believer”
- The comp plan is a revolutionary new 1×1 matrix
- The company’s slogan is “From Our Garage To Yours”.
- the company’s distributor application is a 3×5 index card
- the company website is hosted at Geocities and the corporate email address ends in @hotmail.com.
- You get your commission check and the check number is #003.
- You see a newspaper ad selling starter kits at half price and it’s your sponsor’s phone number
- The CEO’s picture shows him sitting in a Ferrari with four bikini-clad women parked next to a fountain in front of a mansion and he’s smiling, holding a cellphone to his ear.
- The theme at the National Convention is “We’ve Been Acquitted! Resume Sponsoring!”
- The distributor application asks how many square feet you have available for monthly inventory
- you visit your sponsor at home and he has a whiteboard mounted on the all in his living room.
- You actually see your up-line sponsor throwing products off a bridge (And, see, you just thought that was a figure of speech!)
- When your sponsor cries when you enroll
- Commission checks say “Void if not cashed within 2 hours”
– when the company’s starter kit includes paper, tape and scissors and an instruction page for the best places to hang pull-tab flyers around town…
– You ask your sponsor how many people are in the company and he tells you “if all goes well at this lunch meeting I have later today, then we’re up to 3!”
- You ask the company if the products are safe and they respond with “we’ll know as soon as you try it out”
- You join the company and get your sister involved. Next month in the company newsletter, there is a feature profile on 2 of the up and coming distributors and you’re on one page with your sister on the other.
- You find your wellness company president in the line at your local McDonald’s.
- Your company has a “Christmas in July: This Stuff’s Starting to Go Bad So We Gotta Sell It” sale
- Top associates have the opportunity to win an
all-inclusive (*see fine print) holiday to Costa Rica. (*fine print… The only thing the associate needs to pay for is the flight, accomodation, any meals they plan on having and any hotel services they plan on using.)
- when filling out the online application, you click Submit and a window pops up asking “Are You Sure?”, you click Yes and another window pops up that asks “Are you kidding?”
- your starter kit arrives with products labeled “Sample. Not for Resale” and a note that reads “Good Luck”
- after your first sale, an envelope arrives with Monopoly money in it
- you call your upline to tell him, “I’m thinking of leaving for another company” and his immediate reply is “Can I come?”
- You get on a corporate conference call where the top earner is a guest speaker. 15 minutes into his motivational talk, he excuses himself as his coffee break is over and the boss at Radio Shack is calling for him.
- the president at your company convention starts his speech with “I assure you, if you remain calm this will all be over shortly”
- the company secured special Convention pricing at the Super 8 Motel
- headquarters for your company are a PO Box inside Little John’s Grocery Store
- when you visit your company’s replicated website and click on the Products menu, it reads “Under Construction”
- the top recruiter in the company wins a car… a brand new yellow Tonka truck
- you get a call from customer service, she tells you its something important regarding your qualification status and then asks you “Can you call me back? This is costing me long distance.”
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